Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?
The hip consultant.
Where do New Yorkers go to get their cholesterol medications?
Statin Island
Why wasnt Tinkerbell allowed in the anticoagulation clinic?
They have a pixie ban.
Why do you need to caution patients to be careful and not drop their Metronidazole pills?
Because theyre Flagyl of course!
Whats the opposite of antibiotics?
unclebiotics
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes!
Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk?
Because they have your back!
Why did I keep losing at hid and seek in the hospital?
Because I always hid in the ICU!
Why do nurses bring red markers to work?
To draw blood
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill
What type of dogs delivers blood test results?
Laboratory retrievers
Who is the flus favorite Star Wars character?
Achoo-Detoo
Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
They kept seeing spots.
Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor?
He kept feeling jumpy.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places
My doctor told me to stop going to those places
I went to the doctor, and he informed me that I had acute appendicitis.
I asked him compared to who?
My dermatologist was fired today!
I was told they made too many rash decisions.
Did you hear the one about the germ?
Never mind, I dont want to spread it around!
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
It thought it had a terminal illness.
I thought chiropractors were a big hoax
But I stand corrected
Why did the bucket go to the doctor?
They had a pail face
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
Because they were having a dizzy spell
What did the judge say to the dentist?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?
Why did the doctor laugh at the arm x-ray?
Because they found the x-ray humorous!
I cant believe I wanted to be an obstetrician.
I cant even deliver a joke!
Why did the doctor say to the rocket ship?
Time to go get your booster shot!
Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard?
Because all of the coffin in there.
What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?
A kite
What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
A URL-ologist
Why did the balloon go to the doctor?
It was feeling a little light-headed
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasnt peeling well
Why is a doctor always calm?
They have a lot of patients!
How did the doctor cure the invisible man?
He took him to the ICU.
Why did the robot go to the doctor?
It had a virus.
Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the King go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned!
Why did the rope go to the doctor?
It had a knot in its stomach.
Wheres the best place to hid from a doctor?
The apple orchard!
Whats the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
For one you get treatment. For the other you get oinkment!
What did the dentist receive for an award?
A little plaque
Why did the smartphone go to the dentist?
It had a bluetooth
What is a dentist’s favorite animal?
A molar bear
Why was the dentist always calm?
They knew the drill
What kind of music do kids with braces listen to?
Heavy metal
What does a dentist call an x-ray?
Tooth-pics
Whats a dentists favorite dinosaur?
A Floss-iraptor
What did the dentist say to the golfer?
You have a hole in one!
Why did the tooth go to therapy?
It had deep rooted issues!
Why did the vampire get braces?
To improve his bite