Policeman and the Penguin
A man and woman were driving down the road when a policeman stopped them. The officer looked in the back of the truck and said, “Why do you have these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are our penguins. They belong to us.”
“You cant be driving all over with these penguins. You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same truck driving down the road. He pulled them over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing hats this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.
“We did,” the man replied. “And today we are taking them to the beach.”
Frozen Window Text
Wife to Husband: Windows frozen!
Husband to Wife: Pour some warm water over them and should unfreeze.
Wife to Husband: OMG, now my computer is completely messed up now!
Bear Big Pause
A bear walks into a bar and says, Give me a whiskey and cola.
Why the big pause? asked the bartender.
The bear shrugged and said, Im not sure. I was born with them.
A man was standing in a long line at a movie theater when suddenly he felt someone massaging his shoulders. He turned around to the women behind him and said, Hey lady, what do you think you are doing?. Lady said, Oh, Im sorry. You see, Im a chiropractor and I could see you were all tensed up, and so, without thinking, I started to rub your shoulders to release the tension and help you relax. I really do apologize. The man replied back, Well, you ought to apologize. You shouldnt be taking your job outside the office. Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?
Doctor: Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
Patient: Why, no I didnt!
Doctor: Yes, it runs in your genes.
Cracked Egg Doctor Visit
An egg went to the doctor to get his cracks looked at.
Doctor said, Im not concerned about your cracks, they can be fixed. What worries me is your cholesterol level.
A man cried out: Doctor, Doctor I think I have amnesia!
Concerned Doctor: Now tell me when you first noticed it?
Man: Noticed what?
Instead of ZZZ it is $$$!
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with a meter running
Cow shows up at the Doctors office and said hes having ringing in his ears.
Doctor replied, The ringing in your ears I think I can help with that. Let me start by removing the cow bell around your neck.
The doctor told me to get rid of my cold I should drink lemon juice after a hot bath. But I could never finish drinking the hot bath.